Smart.

No, seriously. True Story.

I dont know how it happened or why, but I put on 10lbs and it all went straight to my stomach and chest. So when I ask my boyfriend, how do I look in this or that... he replies with: "Smart."

I appreciate my smart ass boyfriend's humor, but I am getting the notion that I need to start implementing some type of work out into my life. I eat horribly, and I don't plan to change.....
so I guess that means more time at the YMCA or some local gym. Yuck.

                           

Rat in a Cage

Lately I'm feeling like.... shit.

I finally did something about it.

I went and saw a counselor.

I can't take all this anxiety.

It's hard not having any friends to vent to around here.

SO, I blog to release frustration.

Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage.

Your Shitty Grammar is Distracting From Your Point

Let me start by saying I am NOT full of myself. I know my strengths and weaknesses just as any other should. In school I knew where I was talented enough to slack off and where I needed to be alert. I'll never be a scientist. I'll never be a historian. I'll never have my artwork grace the walls of a museum. What I can do is write. Perhaps I'm missing a comma here or there (I'm not perfect), but I understand the basic concepts of how to construct a proper sentence.

I just started my first semester as a college freshman at the University of Wisconsin- Rock County. It's not a well-known or prestigious school, but I'm just pleased with myself for enrolling in ANY college at this point. It's been over 5 years since I graduated high school, and much of what I "learned" has somehow found its way to the dormant crevices of my jumbled brain. I worried I wouldn’t operate at the level of my peers.

English 101- Week 3. The assignment? Write a 300-word descriptive essay including as many of the five sensory details as possible. Simple enough it seems. So, 322 words later I submit my essay through the online school database and peruse through the work of my fellow peers. One: I like to know where I stand among the class as far as skill. Two: In case of a future group assignment I’d like to know who I should and, more importantly, should not work with.

I don't want to work with these people:

"The horses, seeming like they were in dire distressed, kicked their hoofs up and down, stirring up grimy dirt into the winds, while yanked their necks side to side attempting to deter the gold ball sized horse flies from annoying them. They wiped their tails in rage back and forth and up into the air with some innocent workers getting caught in the cross fire feeling steel wool brushes scarping against their skin." (Anonymous English Student)

“With jitters of energy, we find the parking lot and we approach the enormeous log lobby leading us to the Wilderness. With unpreparation of a large sum of money needing to be deposited for management to have for safe keepings, emotions became futile and thoughts became frantic. After countless minutes passing, my friend and I bargained our way out of the policy and placed a $500 deposit.” (Anonymous English Student)

I Think That Means He Likes Me...

1. My cat Jack has been drooling at the corners of his mouth recently (since we moved out of state). I notice he does it when he's on my bed. I searched the internet for answers. He's not foaming at the mouth, he's not dehydrated, he's not eating irregularly, he's a totally healthy cat other than the occasional drool. So, it turns out some cats drool just because they're happy. He probably does it on the bed because that's "cuddle time" or "sleepy time".Thanks Jack. I love you too, buddy!

2. My husband finally decided to pull the plug on our marriage. He's filing for divorce. But I don't need anyone's pity. I'm going to be 100% okay. It hurt the first few times he threatened me with it. Now? I'm just ready to move on and find somebody that truly makes me happy, and loves me all day every day. Love is supposed to be "for better or for worse", not at your convenience. You're not supposed to pick and choose which days you feel like being supportive. So in my eyes, this is a fresh start. There are plenty of fish in the sea... really sexy fish with muscles and charming smiles. Oh, so many fish to be had, just gotta reel one in!

3. For years I've envied the "Lady Gaga's" of the world. I've always wanted to look on the outside, how I truly feel on the inside. Inside I'm a loud, funky, eccentric, colorful, hippie-child. What I see in the mirror is a conservative, frumpy-grandma-sweater-wearing, stick in the mud. So, I wonder what other people see. It may sound silly, but to me... an outfit tells a lot about a person. (My latest and greatest addition.... my awesome new rainbow socks)

That's all I feel like writing tonight. Although I have lots of other things on the tip of my tongue; mostly complaints about men and the stupid mind games they play (or pretend not to play). But I feel like I'll probably just say something in haste that I'll regret later, so for now I bid you adieu. Peace!

I Can't Wait Until I Bloom.

How will we ever learn to grow,
if we aren't willing to dig our hands in the dirt?

I have been living here with my aunt and uncle for 1 month.
I can't believe it's been a month!
Time has gone by SO fast.
But that only happens when you're having fun, right?
So, in some ways I'm really enjoying myself.

Since I've been here I've realized something.
In order for me to get where I'm going...
I'll need to try new things.
Go where I've never gone before.

I have dreams....... I have hopes.
I don't just want to find happiness.
I want to help others find it, too!
I want to see myself on the radio, in a magazine, on tv....
Not because I want to be famous,
But because I want to change the world.
I want my message to be heard.
The message is simple.
With love, teamwork, and commitment...
EVERYTHING is possible.

When I grow up, I want to heal the world.

Don't Let the Door Hit Ya, Where the Good Lord Split Ya.

With this ring.... I thee wed.

I'm highly impressed with the fact that my husband

of 3 1/2 years suddenly lost the ability to tell me

"I love you" ever since I moved to Wisconsin.

And by highly impressed... I mean highly pissed!

Although I shouldn't be surprised,
I really shouldn't be.
And even if he did say it,
it's not like it would fix our past.
I'm just really good at

letting others make me feel worthless.
I'm hurt because I feel like
I'm not important enough to be loved.

Four Letter Words

FUCK! THIS!! SHIT!!!!!

Whew! Now that I got that out of the way....

I'm happy with the fresh new look to my website.

It's symbolic to my entire life right now.

I'm starting a whole new chapter here in Wisconsin.
So why not start my blog like a breath of fresh air?

I have been here in Beloit for 7 days. This week went by in a flash.

I'm still rather hesitant to fully come out of my shell.

Being me has never gotten me far in the past.

It usually ends with me offending somebody with my abrasiveness.

Lately I've shut myself off to the world.
But the world proves time and time again....

She's not ready to let me run and hide.
I suppose like everyone else I have to face my problems.

Can't keep pretending tomorrow will never come.

It always does. It always will.