Don't Let the Door Hit Ya, Where the Good Lord Split Ya.

With this ring.... I thee wed.

I'm highly impressed with the fact that my husband

of 3 1/2 years suddenly lost the ability to tell me

"I love you" ever since I moved to Wisconsin.

And by highly impressed... I mean highly pissed!

Although I shouldn't be surprised,
I really shouldn't be.
And even if he did say it,
it's not like it would fix our past.
I'm just really good at

letting others make me feel worthless.
I'm hurt because I feel like
I'm not important enough to be loved.

Four Letter Words

FUCK! THIS!! SHIT!!!!!

Whew! Now that I got that out of the way....

I'm happy with the fresh new look to my website.

It's symbolic to my entire life right now.

I'm starting a whole new chapter here in Wisconsin.
So why not start my blog like a breath of fresh air?

I have been here in Beloit for 7 days. This week went by in a flash.

I'm still rather hesitant to fully come out of my shell.

Being me has never gotten me far in the past.

It usually ends with me offending somebody with my abrasiveness.

Lately I've shut myself off to the world.
But the world proves time and time again....

She's not ready to let me run and hide.
I suppose like everyone else I have to face my problems.

Can't keep pretending tomorrow will never come.

It always does. It always will.

10 Days to Wisconsin

 How can I explain it?
Like an ocean's wave rushing the sandy shore.
Erasing footprints. Erasing memories.
My heart is heavy.
A great burden I carry.

Perhaps you see a bitch because my words can cut you into pieces. What you don't see is the hurt. What you don't see is the scared little girl inside; frightened of the future, timid of the unknown, attracted to the chaos to avoid the silence. When the world is quiet, I'm left with my own thoughts. I crave attention because I can't handle being alone. The things I think and the hurt I feel............... it's unbearable alone.

I'm moving to Wisconsin in 10 days. My husband is NOT coming with me. The worst part is that I don't even know what's happening; is this a separation? is this a divorce? am i ever coming back? I DON'T KNOW!!! I don't feel that publicly advertising this information is appropriate, but I also know what it's like to keep it to myself day after day. I. CAN'T. TAKE. IT. ANYMORE.

Damn facebook. It's so easy to find yourself creeping on a friends page, staring at their photos, envying them. In fact, for me it's harder NOT to. I realize my status updates lately have a theme: "I'm bored and lonely." It's a desperate cry for help, hoping somebody will hear me. Hoping one of these days, somebody is going to call me or text me "You want to hang out tonight?". Alas, it's just a computer, not a magic box, and friends aren't going to Houdini themselves into my life simply because I want some this very moment. The sad truth is that I know even if I finally got that phone call or that text, it would only be a temporary relief. The next day I'd still be in the same situation............ wanting more. The grass is always greener on the other side, at least it is in the world of Reece Fox.