Your Shitty Grammar is Distracting From Your Point

Let me start by saying I am NOT full of myself. I know my strengths and weaknesses just as any other should. In school I knew where I was talented enough to slack off and where I needed to be alert. I'll never be a scientist. I'll never be a historian. I'll never have my artwork grace the walls of a museum. What I can do is write. Perhaps I'm missing a comma here or there (I'm not perfect), but I understand the basic concepts of how to construct a proper sentence.

I just started my first semester as a college freshman at the University of Wisconsin- Rock County. It's not a well-known or prestigious school, but I'm just pleased with myself for enrolling in ANY college at this point. It's been over 5 years since I graduated high school, and much of what I "learned" has somehow found its way to the dormant crevices of my jumbled brain. I worried I wouldn’t operate at the level of my peers.

English 101- Week 3. The assignment? Write a 300-word descriptive essay including as many of the five sensory details as possible. Simple enough it seems. So, 322 words later I submit my essay through the online school database and peruse through the work of my fellow peers. One: I like to know where I stand among the class as far as skill. Two: In case of a future group assignment I’d like to know who I should and, more importantly, should not work with.

I don't want to work with these people:

"The horses, seeming like they were in dire distressed, kicked their hoofs up and down, stirring up grimy dirt into the winds, while yanked their necks side to side attempting to deter the gold ball sized horse flies from annoying them. They wiped their tails in rage back and forth and up into the air with some innocent workers getting caught in the cross fire feeling steel wool brushes scarping against their skin." (Anonymous English Student)

“With jitters of energy, we find the parking lot and we approach the enormeous log lobby leading us to the Wilderness. With unpreparation of a large sum of money needing to be deposited for management to have for safe keepings, emotions became futile and thoughts became frantic. After countless minutes passing, my friend and I bargained our way out of the policy and placed a $500 deposit.” (Anonymous English Student)

I Think That Means He Likes Me...

1. My cat Jack has been drooling at the corners of his mouth recently (since we moved out of state). I notice he does it when he's on my bed. I searched the internet for answers. He's not foaming at the mouth, he's not dehydrated, he's not eating irregularly, he's a totally healthy cat other than the occasional drool. So, it turns out some cats drool just because they're happy. He probably does it on the bed because that's "cuddle time" or "sleepy time".Thanks Jack. I love you too, buddy!

2. My husband finally decided to pull the plug on our marriage. He's filing for divorce. But I don't need anyone's pity. I'm going to be 100% okay. It hurt the first few times he threatened me with it. Now? I'm just ready to move on and find somebody that truly makes me happy, and loves me all day every day. Love is supposed to be "for better or for worse", not at your convenience. You're not supposed to pick and choose which days you feel like being supportive. So in my eyes, this is a fresh start. There are plenty of fish in the sea... really sexy fish with muscles and charming smiles. Oh, so many fish to be had, just gotta reel one in!

3. For years I've envied the "Lady Gaga's" of the world. I've always wanted to look on the outside, how I truly feel on the inside. Inside I'm a loud, funky, eccentric, colorful, hippie-child. What I see in the mirror is a conservative, frumpy-grandma-sweater-wearing, stick in the mud. So, I wonder what other people see. It may sound silly, but to me... an outfit tells a lot about a person. (My latest and greatest addition.... my awesome new rainbow socks)

That's all I feel like writing tonight. Although I have lots of other things on the tip of my tongue; mostly complaints about men and the stupid mind games they play (or pretend not to play). But I feel like I'll probably just say something in haste that I'll regret later, so for now I bid you adieu. Peace!

I Can't Wait Until I Bloom.

How will we ever learn to grow,
if we aren't willing to dig our hands in the dirt?

I have been living here with my aunt and uncle for 1 month.
I can't believe it's been a month!
Time has gone by SO fast.
But that only happens when you're having fun, right?
So, in some ways I'm really enjoying myself.

Since I've been here I've realized something.
In order for me to get where I'm going...
I'll need to try new things.
Go where I've never gone before.

I have dreams....... I have hopes.
I don't just want to find happiness.
I want to help others find it, too!
I want to see myself on the radio, in a magazine, on tv....
Not because I want to be famous,
But because I want to change the world.
I want my message to be heard.
The message is simple.
With love, teamwork, and commitment...
EVERYTHING is possible.

When I grow up, I want to heal the world.

Don't Let the Door Hit Ya, Where the Good Lord Split Ya.

With this ring.... I thee wed.

I'm highly impressed with the fact that my husband

of 3 1/2 years suddenly lost the ability to tell me

"I love you" ever since I moved to Wisconsin.

And by highly impressed... I mean highly pissed!

Although I shouldn't be surprised,
I really shouldn't be.
And even if he did say it,
it's not like it would fix our past.
I'm just really good at

letting others make me feel worthless.
I'm hurt because I feel like
I'm not important enough to be loved.

Four Letter Words

FUCK! THIS!! SHIT!!!!!

Whew! Now that I got that out of the way....

I'm happy with the fresh new look to my website.

It's symbolic to my entire life right now.

I'm starting a whole new chapter here in Wisconsin.
So why not start my blog like a breath of fresh air?

I have been here in Beloit for 7 days. This week went by in a flash.

I'm still rather hesitant to fully come out of my shell.

Being me has never gotten me far in the past.

It usually ends with me offending somebody with my abrasiveness.

Lately I've shut myself off to the world.
But the world proves time and time again....

She's not ready to let me run and hide.
I suppose like everyone else I have to face my problems.

Can't keep pretending tomorrow will never come.

It always does. It always will.

10 Days to Wisconsin

 How can I explain it?
Like an ocean's wave rushing the sandy shore.
Erasing footprints. Erasing memories.
My heart is heavy.
A great burden I carry.

Perhaps you see a bitch because my words can cut you into pieces. What you don't see is the hurt. What you don't see is the scared little girl inside; frightened of the future, timid of the unknown, attracted to the chaos to avoid the silence. When the world is quiet, I'm left with my own thoughts. I crave attention because I can't handle being alone. The things I think and the hurt I feel............... it's unbearable alone.

I'm moving to Wisconsin in 10 days. My husband is NOT coming with me. The worst part is that I don't even know what's happening; is this a separation? is this a divorce? am i ever coming back? I DON'T KNOW!!! I don't feel that publicly advertising this information is appropriate, but I also know what it's like to keep it to myself day after day. I. CAN'T. TAKE. IT. ANYMORE.

Damn facebook. It's so easy to find yourself creeping on a friends page, staring at their photos, envying them. In fact, for me it's harder NOT to. I realize my status updates lately have a theme: "I'm bored and lonely." It's a desperate cry for help, hoping somebody will hear me. Hoping one of these days, somebody is going to call me or text me "You want to hang out tonight?". Alas, it's just a computer, not a magic box, and friends aren't going to Houdini themselves into my life simply because I want some this very moment. The sad truth is that I know even if I finally got that phone call or that text, it would only be a temporary relief. The next day I'd still be in the same situation............ wanting more. The grass is always greener on the other side, at least it is in the world of Reece Fox.

Anchors and Sails

My world always seems to be anchored down.
My ship is ready to set sail.
Something is wrong with the captain.

In 2 weeks I'll be leaving my life in Missouri. I'm terrified. Absolutely terrified. I feel a bit like a goldfish in an ocean; small and lost with little to no direction. I spend so much of my time trying to put on a happy face, as if somebody would think less of me for not being calm and collected. I'm willing to admit, I'm not as put together as I want to be seen. Only so much can be bottled inside, until it explodes out of you!

I'm angry. I'm stressed. I'm hurt. I try not to get emotional in front of others, but lately, all I want to do is yell or cry. About everything; my dead sister, my marriage, my job, college, my parents, my "friends" or lack of. At this point, running out of milk could bring me to tears. I'm emotional over everything and nothing at the same time.

What I want is to know that I matter to somebody, because most days I hardly matter to myself. I'd like to think of friendship as a story, and many of my stories are on their last chapter. One day I'll just be a picture to delete off someone's facebook. One day I'll be gone, have I left anything worth remembering? One day I'll be a memory somebody had of "that one girl that liked cats".